3/1/18 Flashbacks, continued

Last night after I posted the Flashbacks post and went to bed my mind just kept going. So I wanted to pick up where I left off and continue that post.

Flashbacks, they can be a blessing and a curse. A blessing for the memories they bring but a curse also for the memories they bring.

If you’ve dealt with flashbacks you know what I mean when I say they just come and you feel like the world has dissolved. When these images come you forget everything else that you are doing. It’s hard to shake them off. It’s like you are back in time experiencing it all over again. The worst flashback I get is the day Aubrey went to heaven. Watching all those doctors and nurses give her tiny body CPR. And there is nothing I can do to save my sweet girl.

I get them a lot when I’m sitting at my computer working. I’ll realize I haven’t moved my mouse in what felt like an eternity. Or the worst is when I’m driving and I realize I don’t know how I got from point A to point B. I can’t remember a single thing about the drive. It’s actually kind of scary to think about.

For you military that have to deal with these horrible images, I don’t know how you do it. I know mine isn’t nearly as bad as what you all go through but I now have a slight understanding. The images are on a continuous track, replaying over and over in your mind. My heart goes out to all of you.

At my old job, I would be sitting there remembering the day I got the call that something was wrong. And then somebody would say something and I would have to quickly try to figure out how long they had been talking and what they needed.

How do you deal with your flashbacks? Sometimes I have to take a minute afterward to catch my bearings to remember where I actually am. I’ll lose a sense of reality for a moment as I am back in time. If you know somebody who deals with these, just know that they are something that are hard to control. If they seem like their happy self then all of a sudden out of nowhere their mood has changed, this may very well be the cause. They had a memory that just showed up and they couldn’t control it.