I See You Momma

For those that don’t know today in International Bereaved Mother’s Day. I’m not quite sure how I feel about having a day just for me. Do you tell each other Happy Bereaved Mother’s Day? How does one go about celebrating this day? Do you celebrate? Do you just ignore the day? I know that this day is specially made the Sunday before Mother’s Day just for us momma’s who have had to endure the incredible pain of our children going to heaven, and I am so grateful for the awareness of it. But then Mother’s Day rolls around, and for those of us that don’t have any more children walking this planet, the pain is almost too much. Having both of these days back to back, two Sunday’s in a row, I honestly just want to run away and hide. Many of you had no idea that today was International Bereaved Mother’s Day and that helps a ton, knowing that all the attention won’t be on us. But next week is the week that, us mommas get to hear those words over and over again, “Happy Mother’s Day”, when this day is anything but happy for me. I think I dread this day more than any other day of the year, even more than the day Aubrey went to heaven. At church we hear it, going to lunch we hear it, we see it on social media, it’s everywhere. But knowing this, I have already learned that we must strategically decide how much we can endure. What can I handle on this day, can I handle going to church knowing all these kiddos will be running around, hugging on their amazing mommas? Can I handle going out to lunch, where nobody knows my situation and everyone tells me Happy Mother’s Day? Do I just curl up on the couch and stay home all day where nobody will say anything to me? Last year I chose to go to church and go out to lunch and it was almost too much, but then we went out on a hike where I could free my mind and not be worried about what I was going to hear. I’m not sure what this year will entail, all I know is this is one of the most dreaded days of the year for me.

And to all you Mommas out there who have had to live life here without your babies, I see you. At church, in the grocery store, playing in the park with your other babies, I see you putting that smile on your face for the world to see. But when our eyes catch, we have this connection, I feel your pain and you feel mine. We know what is deep inside, that the rest of the world may never know. I see you. Just a hug when passing in the store, no words need to be said, we know. Or a smile as we see each other from across the sanctuary, fully understanding what the other is feeling. Momma know that I am praying for you as we have to go through another Mother’s Day without one of our angels. As we hold onto the Hope that we have in Jesus and continue each and every day to get up and take on this world. I see your strength and your courage to still live a full life, knowing that we will see our babies again.