Why I Started Aubrey’s Angels

I often look at my life as before Aubrey and after Aubrey. I’ll even refer to it as a chapter book, because the two parts of my life feel so completely different.

Life before Aubrey was simple. I worked full time as a drafter designing sunrooms and conservatories. I really just lived day to day. Aside from having children, I never looked too far into the future. Looking back, I didn’t have big dreams or goals. I just did what life told me to do.

And then there was Aubrey.

When Aubrey was born, she spent the first 36 days of her life in the NICU. Eventually, though, we got to bring our girl home.

We were lucky enough to have Aubrey with us for 13 months. Thirteen months that changed absolutely everything about my life. She wasn’t just a diagnosis, a NICU stay, or the tragedy of losing her. She was our daughter. She came home. She was loved. She had a personality, she made memories with us, and she left a mark on my life that is impossible to put into words.

During those first 36 days in the NICU, Aubrey’s dad and I were part of a coed softball team. Obviously, we weren’t playing while she was in the hospital, but our team decided to dedicate the rest of their season to Aubrey.

They renamed the team Aubrey’s Angels.

At the time, I had no idea how much those two words would eventually mean to me.

One week after Aubrey went to heaven, I went back to my full-time job.

One week.

I look back at that now and cannot believe I went back that quickly. But that was the old me—the version of me who catered to everyone else and worried about what other people needed before considering what I needed. I knew I was the only drafter they had. I knew they needed me. I had literally just lost my child, yet somehow I was still worried about their comfort.

I still catch myself reverting back to that version of myself sometimes. But life after Aubrey has also taught me how to put boundaries up. It has taught me that I am allowed to protect myself, too.

Less than a month after returning to work, I found myself spiraling.

My boss was cruel. I hated being there. I would walk out of the office multiple times a day just so I could let the tears flow somewhere no one could see me. It felt as though there was zero consideration for the tragedy that had just occurred in my life.

I couldn’t do it anymore. My mental strength at that time couldn’t handle the work I was doing while also taking the heat I was getting from my boss. So I left. I did the only thing I felt capable of doing at that point in my life. I called a good friend who worked at a local photography company and asked if they happened to be hiring.

To my surprise, they were. I was so incredibly thankful. God had a plan.

At that point, I needed brainless work. I needed something that didn’t ask too much of me while I was simply trying to figure out how to survive a life I no longer recognized.

Over the next couple of years, I slowly began pulling myself together.

I also started thinking about ways I could earn some extra money so I could give back to Ronald McDonald House for everything they had done for our family.

When Aubrey was born and had to stay in the NICU, Ronald McDonald House provided us with a place to rest our heads at night at no cost to us. They fed us and made sure we were taken care of so that we could focus solely on Aubrey.

I had received a Cricut for Christmas and had been messing around with it when I got the idea to make some shirts. So I made a few designs. Then I started posting them on social media. And, to my surprise, people bought them. Slowly, one shirt became another. One order became another.

And in June of 2018, Aubrey’s Angels Screen Printing was established.

As the business grew, I eventually reached the point where I knew that if I wanted to keep going, I needed to find a faster way to produce shirts.

But somewhere along the way, the question became bigger than How do I grow this business?

I started asking myself:

What do I want this business to mean?

And maybe even more importantly:

What do I want my life to mean?

I knew the loss of my daughter wasn’t going to be for nothing. I needed good to come from something so devastating. I wanted—and still hope—that our story could somehow help someone else.

We chose the name Aubrey’s Angels because it gave us a way to say Aubrey’s name every single time we talked about it. And that is still one of my favorite things about this business.

Aubrey’s Angels was never just about printing shirts. It was about finding a way to keep saying her name.

This business wasn’t built simply for the sake of making shirts. It was built as an avenue to give back. To help other families. To give someone else hope. It’s never been about the shirt.

It’s always been about giving back and carrying Aubrey’s name forward with me until the day I get to go home to her.

Just the other day, I received a call from a new customer. During our conversation, she started crying as she told me how she had found Aubrey’s Angels. Someone had recommended us to her, but before calling, she went to our website. She read Aubrey’s story and learned about the impact her life continues to make. She told me that she and her family have faced their own personal battles, and after reading our story, she knew she needed to go through Aubrey’s Angels.

Moments like that are hard to put into words.

Here was someone I had never met, telling me that my daughter’s story had touched her. Aubrey’s name had reached another family.

That is why I do this.

Over the years, Aubrey’s Angels has given me opportunities to give back in ways I never could have imagined when I was sitting at home with that Cricut making my first shirts. We have been able to provide meals and sponsor a room at Ronald McDonald House, support youth sports, and so much more.

Something that started with a Cricut, a few shirts, and a desire to give back became something much bigger than I ever expected.

But there is a part of this story that is incredibly complicated.

Do you know how hard and confusing it is to build something you are so incredibly proud of while knowing you would trade it all in an instant for the reason behind it not to exist?

This business is my life. I don’t even consider it work most days. I am proud of what I have built. I am proud of the people we’ve helped. I’m proud every time I see Aubrey’s name.

And I would give every single bit of it back to have my daughter in my arms.

Sometimes I catch myself wondering what my life would look like if Aubrey were still here. I wouldn’t have any of this. None of it. And I would be okay with that.

But that isn’t the chapter I was given.

This is my life after Aubrey.

So I will continue to use her story. I will continue saying her name. I will continue giving back. And I will continue hoping that somewhere along the way, something we’ve been through—or something we do in Aubrey’s name—helps someone else.

I don’t know what my future holds. I just hope I can touch lives, stay humble, and leave a little footprint everywhere I go. And wherever this journey takes me, I’ll carry Aubrey’s name with me.